We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
