Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
