How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
