no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
