Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
