He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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