im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
