We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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