wat bout pragnant strippers??
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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