I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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