so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
