If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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