Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
we're making bets on your personal life
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
