is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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