You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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