ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
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The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
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see that vagina ? that vagina means business
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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