Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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