hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just tell him i said nine months
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
