working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
