So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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