dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
