Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
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Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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