chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
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