I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
