Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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