I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
