do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
