have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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