I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
