I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize