Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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