She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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