I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
