I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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