just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
