Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I want her autograph on my taint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize