You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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