You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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