i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
