you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
