Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
