I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
