I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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