Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
