the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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