he told me I talked like a deaf person
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
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all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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