weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
