Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
