How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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