i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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