so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
