I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
