He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
