My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
wow bdsm is so cute
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
