Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
