Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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