dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
