A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
