this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
