And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
