Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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