ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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