Just fell off a train. Bad.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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