Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I want to fling myself into the sun
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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