Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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