It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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