Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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