I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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