totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
