Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Randomize
