The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
