I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
