Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
