I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
