dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
