it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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