I could have mohawked her pubes.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
