I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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