My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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