Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
