get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
